Being “results-focused” is one of the absolute badges of honor in any organization. We all want results, accomplishment, to get things done. No one wants to be the air-brained, constantly distracted, perpetually unfocused, time-wasting team member that never gets anything done, right?
But, what if the most damaging thing you could do to your bottom line is to make results your absolute first and last focus?
We have all been hassled by a desperate salesperson. We have all felt the “what have you done for me lately?” gaze of a short-sighted boss.
Maybe we have even done a bit of whip cracking ourselves in crunch times. Pushing ourselves and others to achieve results can work — for a while — but rarely can an organization with a culture of “results at any cost” sustain itself for long.
What could possibly be more important than achieving results, meeting your goals, getting things done, and creating momentum?
If results are simply miles traveled, then pushing a car produces results. But what about stopping every once in a while to get some gas, maybe even an oil change or (God forbid) even a new timing belt? Stopping to do those things are not necessary for results; they just make getting those results a lot easier, quicker and more efficient.
For the vast majority of us, getting results means working with other people. I cannot produce results as an executive coach without customers, the folks who make the phones work, the video conferencing apps, the airlines when I need to travel, the restaurant folks when it is time to meet over lunch, etc. Very few of us can accomplish anything completely on our own.
It is the same for my other roles: I cannot be a good parent without my kids, their teachers, their friends and other family members, etc. We all need other people to achieve the results we want. None of us exists in a vacuum.
So, what would happen if, instead of focusing on the results we want, we focus on connecting with the people whose help we need to accomplish them? We focus on connection first.
What do I mean by connection? Hedy Schleifer, in her Ted Talk on The Power of Connection describes the act of connecting with another person as crossing a bridge over to their space. In order to do this, I have to leave behind all my preconceptions, prejudices, opinions, agendas and experience on my side of the bridge, and cross over, opening up to the other person’s otherness.
Fundamental understanding, respect, openness and curiosity toward the other person’s point of view are key. But how? I think we all know this is easier said than done.
Here’s my experience: It is always easier to connect with other people after I have done the work to connect with myself.
Here’s what I mean: If my first reaction inside, when I make a mistake, is to say to myself, “WHAT AN IDIOT! YOU’RE SO LAZY! ANYONE COULD HAVE DONE THAT BETTER!”, how do you think I am naturally going to react when someone on my team or in my family makes a mistake?
On the other hand, when I take the time and do the work of regularly and consistently connecting with myself: “Hey, I made a mistake and made a pretty big fool of myself just now, but I’m doing my best and I just learned a huge lesson. And after all, I’m not here just to succeed, I’m also here to learn and that’s okay. I’ll give it another try next time.” Then it becomes so much easier to do likewise with others.
We all give from what we have in our hearts. If my heart is full of judgement, criticism, disrespect and contempt for myself, then that is what is going to come out with others. If all I do is push myself, then pushing others will come naturally.
Conversely, if I consistently do the work of getting curious about my negative emotions regarding myself and discovering where they are coming from and what they want for me, it becomes second nature when it comes to doing the same with others. You can’t give what you don’t have.
When others feel connected around me we can more easily collaborate, communicate, cooperate and achieve the results we are both after. Give connection a try. Focus on connecting first, then see what happens…
To learn more about the art of connecting, click here.
