My husband had just come home from one of the first national conferences dedicated to organizational health. When I asked about the conference, he answered with a quizzical, almost confused expression on his face.
“One of the best parts,” he said, “was an amazingly insightful question by a young woman attending as a student, and I have to admit, it’s got me stumped.”
He described how, after hearing a presentation about the value of vulnerability-based trust in determining the performance and results of a team, she stood up to voice her doubt:
“I can understand how men might be seen as strong when they exercise vulnerability with their teams, but as soon as a woman decides to practice vulnerability with her peers, it is immediately seen as weakness and she gets labeled with ’emotional female’ stereotypes. Can women really be vulnerable in the workplace?”
I get her point, and I think it is important to clarify what vulnerability is. Let me start by saying what it is not:
- Vulnerability is not weakness or powerlessness
- It is not being the “good girl,” playing nice and letting everyone else go first
- It is not keeping your head down or minimizing your own strengths to make others feel better
- It is not inferiority
- It is not taking the blame or being the scapegoat for problems no one else will take responsibility for
- It is not letting oneself be put into a box, whether that box be positive or negative
- It is not offloading negative emotions onto others
- It is not wearing a mask, neither of arrogance or timidity
In fact, real vulnerability looks confident, secure in one’s relationship with self and others, peaceful in accepting the human experience of failure and growth, grounded and authentic.
Vulnerability simply means living in the truth of who you are.
No matter who you are or what workplace you are in, you have the power to connect with other people, to create something that never existed before, to find fulfillment and enjoyment in your own strengths, to weather the storms that used to throw you off balance, to belong with other people doing worthwhile things, to grow and learn in your own way and at your own pace, to see clearly how to improve your situation and that of the people you care about.
You access that power by vulnerability, by taking off the mask, whether it be a mask of the super woman or the wallflower, and taking the risk to be yourself.
Pat Lencioni talks about practicing vulnerability by admitting one’s mistakes, weaknesses, and need for the team’s help. There is another side to vulnerability that we often forget: showing up and being ourselves, not only in the acceptance of our weaknesses, but also in stepping into our power.
Sometimes we feel most vulnerable in claiming our strengths or talking about our capabilities. Many of us feel most self-conscious or uncomfortable when we are happy.
Thus, practicing vulnerability is much more than admitting our weaknesses or apologizing for mistakes. It is also believing in ourselves and claiming our place on the team, connecting with the cause and the other people working toward those results.
When we come to our team and our organization from this place, others feel it on an instinctual level and trust us. They know we have no hidden agendas aside from the purpose we all share.
When we live from this true self, we are not only happier and more fulfilled, but we get better results in our relationships and our work.
I want that for you, to see you be YOU. So what is holding you back?
(guest post by Genevieve Pollock)
